My Life With My Son, Johnny

Written with Loving Memories

By Jody Sanchez

I was still in high school when I had Johnny.  I was only 16 years old.

 Johnny’s dad, Alan was 5 years older than I. 

It didn’t take long for the age difference to really matter. 

 In my senior year we went our separate ways but stood great friends. 

Alan loved his son more than anything and always put him first in his life. 

I sometimes wonder were life might have taken me if I didn’t have Johnny. 

Because of him I pushed myself to continue with my education. 

He was my future and I was his.  We had each other and that was all I needed.

I graduated from High School in 1990 and was off to college.

In 1991 I got married, gave birth to my son, Joseph and gained a beautiful

stepdaughter, Andrea.  My marriage ended only after a few years.

 I spent the next years always with my boys.  Enjoying being a mom.

My nephew Victor was always with us. Johnny and Victor were inseparable. 

Their bond was tight.  They were cousins, brothers and the best of friend’s. Joseph being 4 years younger just always tried to keep up.  Those were such carefree fun years of riding our bikes, playing in the park, watch Bart Simpson and hiking in our Rocky Mountains.

When we first learned of his heart condition Johnny was 8 years old.  He had a routine check up for shots.  The morning of his appointment he got sick.  My father took him into the doctors for me.  When I arrived to meet them I saw a child trying to be placed in an ambulance.  It was Johnny.  He was not cooperating.  I will never forget the look of horror in his eyes.  He was so scared.  Apparently he had a frightening asthma attack and went into cardiac arrest. The oxygen mask and all of the urgency scared him.  Johnny has always loved to draw and the paramedic had a knack for it.  We managed to get him in the ambulance by drawing on him.  By the time he arrived at Children’s Hospital his was pretty much covered in ink.   When Alan arrived he asked to have Johnny tested for Long QT / SADS.  After running test after test is was determined Johnny had this hereditary heart condition.  Johnny was named after Alan’s brother who died when Alan was 10 years old from the same heart condition.  He too was only 17 years old when he passed.

The next 5 years Johnny took medication off and on for his condition.  At the time this medication was only experimental.  It was not know if it would help him in any way.  Johnny was very active in baseball and martial arts.  We were told all this had to end along with swimming and any thing else that might be completive.  Although this broke Johnny’s heart he just switch his talent to his love of drawing. He was still an outgoing child.  I often worried about him but he was a boy and was determined to have fun.

Johnny was so artistic.  At the age of 10 he won an art competition for his school district.  Everyone was amazed when he was told he won for 10^th grade….  Johnny was only 10 years old.  Somehow, they mixed up his drawing because he wrote his name with the number 10; the school district thought he was in high school.   They allowed him to keep the award and he got tons of praise on his artistic ability.  He was so proud of himself.  From that point on he would proudly show off his drawings to anyone that wanted to see them and draw anything for anyone, especially when it came to drawing “TAZ”.

About this time Johnny’s Aunt Liddy died of the same heart condition.  Her son, Chaz became like a brother to Johnny.  They were close in age and whenever Johnny went with his dads, Chaz was always with them.  Like with Victor they became truly closer than cousins. 

In 1997 I met my fiancée, Damian and his son, Darian.  I also gave birth to my daughter, Natashia.  Soon after Johnny’s Grandmother died.  Death started to become a big reality to Johnny.  He started to question his own life.  I would often talk with Alan about Johnny’s concerns.

Through out the years Alan and I always stayed good friends

Johnny started middle school loving it but soon started having trouble.  The school principle constantly gave him a hard time because he would often fall asleep in class due to his medication.  When he was in the 8^th grade the principle had Johnny arrested at school for making a cartoon of a frog with a shotgun on the computer saying, “I am going to shoot your legs off”.  Apparently another boy and Johnny were goofing around by sending cartoons back and forth from their computers.  At the end of class Johnny didn’t turn his computer off.  Although it was harmless and Johnny meant no harm to anyone he was still arrested.  (We lived in the same school district as the Columbine High School Shooting in Jefferson County)  Although no charges were filed Johnny had to take a group class on violent behavior.  Which I totally disagreed with because he had no violent behavior it was a drawing!!  After that Johnny hated school.  I truly believe he was angry with me for making him take the classes and finish the year at his middle school

Once again Johnny had to deal with loosing another aunt to his heart condition.  After the death of his Aunt Donna, he often told me his future didn’t matter.  

In 9^th grade I switch him schools twice.  He just didn’t have an interest in school anymore.  I thought putting him in a smaller high school would help.  His art was featured at a gallery but he started to loose interest in showing anyone his artwork. I started to have constant battles with him over school and his grades.   The “I don’t care attitude” frustrated me.  He struggled through the 9^th grade but made it.  Our relationship became argument after argument.

Johnny always loved animals.  He would often bring home stray dogs and critters.  Critters like birds and squirrels. He would take care of them and nurse them back to health then set them free.  

Christmas of 2002 we bought the kids a puppy.  A Siberian husky named, Nani.  Nani instantly took to Johnny more than anyone.  Johnny loved Nani. She was his dog.  Nani knew Johnny as “Her boy” and when we told her to get “Her boy” she would run into Johnny’s arms. She slept with him, ate with him and when he moved out she deeply missed him….

When the next school year started I agreed to let Johnny live with his father and attend an Alternative School.  At the time I didn’t believe it but now I know there are something’s only a dad can teach his son.  It seemed to help and Johnny seemed his happy self again, but I wasn’t happy.  My baby moved out and wasn’t interested in coming back home.  I often cried myself to sleep at night and would constantly worry about him.  It took me a year but I stopped nagging him to come home and accepted the fact he was now living with his dad.   He made it through the 10^th grade still struggling but made it. 

That summer Johnny and Joseph spent allot of time together.  They would often go to video game competitions and play for hours on the trampoline. 

July of 2003 we had an exciting month.  My family drove 16 hrs to Arkansas to visit my mom, little sister and her family.  This was a great trip.  My older sister, nephew Victor and my father all came along.  We had so much fun!!  I realized my baby was becoming a man.  He was so tall now and gained at least 20 pounds since he moved with his dad. 

A few weeks later my family was asked by WWE (World Wrestling Entertainment) to allow Eddie Gurrero to drive our Low Rider in the “Vengeance” pay per-view show in Denver.  Johnny was thrilled.  We received ringside seats for the event.  Johnny sat right behind the commentaries.  Throughout the entire event Johnny could be seen screaming and yelling, cheering on his favorite wrestlers.  Even though Eddie drove our car into the ring, he was not one of Johnny’s favorite wrestlers. During Eddie’s entire fight Johnny had everyone in our section yelling out boo’s and loved every minute of it.  We had special padded folding chairs with Vengeance and the date printed on it.   When the event was done we were allowed to keep our chairs.  Johnny treated his chair like a trophy and made sure no one sat in it but him. 

  Christmas of 2003 the kids wanted to go to Las Vegas.  Damian and I thought why not so, off we went.  We drove for 12 hours and it was great!!  The whole week in Vegas was perfect.  Johnny loved Vegas, with its busy streets and lively nights.  A few times by himself he wondered around down stairs in our hotel. He said he liked to watch the excitement of the crowds and he walked around visiting the many mall like shops. Johnny was a jokester.  He bought a few items that even had me fooled. Johnny and I really bonded during that week.  I had my baby back.  I could talk to him again with out any arguments.  Our last Christmas together was perfect.  Our relationship continued to grow.  I learned to let his dad do the raising and I just stepped in once in awhile when I thought I needed to. 

In March of 2004 Damian and I purchased a new home closer to my younger children schools.  Johnny would often come stay with us.  Because he lived full time with his dad, we gave the master bedroom to Joseph and Johnny had the unfinished bedroom.  He didn’t seem to mind.    I don’t think Johnny ever thought of our new house, as home. Whenever Johnny was with us, Nani would be at his side. 

June 2004 Damian asked me to marry him but not without asking my father and children first, except for Johnny.   At the time I had been with Damian for 7 ½ years but Johnny had grown apart from Damian.  Johnny was now a young man but I think he felt Damian took me from him.  My life for so long was only with my boys until I found myself again with Damian.  We did allot of family things together but the only thing Johnny ever wanted from me was my time alone.  Damian said he wanted to ask Johnny but he didn’t get a chance to see him before he asked me.     

During our last summer with Johnny, he spent allot of time with us. Coming and going as he pleased.    He had allot of close friends and with his cousins Chaz and Victor we often had a house full.  In July he stood the month with us while my mom, little sister and her family came to visit us for a week. School stated in August and we seen less and less of Johnny again. 

October 27, 2004 – Johnny’s 17^th Birthday!!! 

Johnny loved his little brothers and sister more than anything. For his 17^th Birthday we were supposed to go play pool and eat pizza but because the younger kids couldn’t shoot pool he asked if we could just stay home and have a pizza party with cake and ice cream.  I remember that day like it was yesterday.  I took a few pictures.  Johnny took one with his Grandpa Jerry.  How I wish I would of taken one with him that day….    He left to go to his dads before it got dark. I later found out they had a Birthday party for him that night.  With a DJ and a cage of beer.  I am sure that’s why I was not told. 

Johnny spent Thanksgiving with us.  He started to spend allot of time with us again.  Every weekend and whenever he had time off of school.   I even took him to school sometimes and his Grandfather would pick him up so he could stay with us.  I am so thankful for that time with him.  He would come over at all hours of the day or night.  I often worried what he was doing out so late at night, but because he had never been in trouble with the law, drugs or alcohol.  I thought I had to trust him.  I later found out what he was doing late at night, “Training”.

Shortly after his 17^th Birthday Johnny started to pursue his life long dream to train in Mixed Martial Art.  He became part of Team Torture Fight Club. His fight name was “Homicide”. On November 27^th he had his first fight and won it under 48 seconds.  He became undefeated.  I was told he trained day and night.  He would often get dropped off at my house after his training.  Johnny’s heart condition is a genetic cardiac disorder.  Due to his heart condition Johnny and Alan knew I would not have approved of his aggressive fighting and of the conditioning.  His fight career was hidden from me until after his death.  Someone had recorded his last fight so I did get to see my baby become undefeated.  I saw Victor and Chaz in the Video cheering on their cousin.  I was so glad they had shared that winning moment with him.  Chaz told me later that Johnny wanted to tell me but he wanted to wait until he had won more fights so that I would be proud of him. I am so very proud of my son and what he accomplished with his fight career during his short life. I truly wish I could have been more apart of it.   Johnny also started to attend church with his trainer and within a short time he was saved.  

Our last weekend with Johnny –

Johnny had come over on Friday to go to the movies with Victor. The boys went to a late movie to see Blade “Trinity”.  Johnny and Victor were more than cousins they were brothers.  We always knew when those two were together there was not going to be any peace and quiet.  You could always count on laughter and hours of horseplay.  I waited up to give them a ride home but at 1 am they came walking in the door being as loud as possible laughing and caring on.  If I know those two I am sure they got into some sort of mischief before coming home.  After telling me the whole movie several times I went to bed.  The next morning Johnny and Joseph went to spend the day with Alan and attend a Mixed Martial Arts fight that night.   Johnny begged me to let Joseph go and promised me he would take care of him. Victor had to attend something for his sister so he could not attend the fights.   The boys spent the night at Alan’s.  I picked up Joseph Sunday morning.  Johnny had something to do… his training.  Johnny called me late Sunday night and asked my to pick him up to spend the night.  I took the boys to Block Busters to rent movies.  Johnny asked me to stay up with them to watch the movies.  It was Sunday night and I had work the next day but it wasn’t often that I got to spend time with just the boys.   Johnny desperately wanted me to watch some silly karate soccer ball movie.  It was so dumb but we laughed so hard. I fell asleep during the second movie on the couch.   I woke up to find Johnny asleep on the recliner.  I woke him up and told him to go to bed. 

After he passed I purchased the movie from Block Busters.   I thought when I needed to laugh I could watch the movie and know Johnny was laughing with me.  I have not brought myself to watch it as of yet. 

December 13, 2004

– I woke up at 5:30am got ready for work and went down stairs.  I noticed Johnny had his T.V on.  He must have been up earlier.  The movie Matrix was still playing.  I turned the T.V off.  He woke up for a brief second looked at me and went back to sleep.  His dog, Nani always slept with him when he was home.  Usually if I went in his room and he was sleeping I would kiss him and Nani on the head.  For some reason that morning I didn’t…. 

That afternoon my youngest son, Joseph came home from school to find Johnny still in his room sleeping.  After several attempts to wake him, Joe told Damian that Johnny wouldn't wake up.  It was soon realized that something was terribly wrong.   This is when our world came tumbling down.  I received a call at work, my heart dropped as Damian told me Johnny wasn't breathing.  I ran out of my office knowing in my heart that he was gone.   I called Johnny’s dad, Alan and told him something was wrong with our son and he needed to get to my house.  When I got closer to my house I called home in horrific panic voice I asked Damian what hospital he was taken to. Damian told me my greatest fear.  Johnny was gone.   When I arrived I found Alan with police officers and paramedics waiting for me outside.   I didn't stop as I ran past them to get to Johnny.  I didn't believe it.  I had to find out on my own.  I had to see for myself.  As I ran hysterically down the stairs to my sons room I was stopped by police in the struggle of trying to get to him I fell down the stairs.  I later found out I had broke my leg in two places.  I got up and continued to run to Johnny’s room.  Only to be stopped by police again.  I was told at this time I could not see my son.  Although I was told why I didn't understand.  While pleading with police I heard Joseph upstairs crying.   My other two children....  I asked if they had been told?  No one answered me.  I ran back up stairs to find Joseph sitting in the corner of the couch screaming and crying.  I pulled myself together to comfort him.   No words or affection seemed to ease his pain.  I asked for my daughter who was in her room.  Damian and I along with Joseph told my daughter, Natashia that Johnny had become an Angel.  I had never seen such pain in my children's eyes.  

By the end of the night we were able to comfort each other.  As tears turned into laughter remembering Johnny.

Within a few hours we were able to see Johnny.  With eyes full of tears and broken hearts we entered his room in small groups.  I held him tight as I told him how much I love him.   Joseph was able to crack a joke telling Johnny to be sure to give him a kick in the rear when he needed it. 

In the end my baby came home to me.